Or, why I’ve not blogged about my daughter starting school.
There has recently been some blogosphere activity via a Radio 4 Women’s hour segment and post BritMums Live debate regarding ‘oversharing’ and just how much do you put out there for others to read, especially for parent bloggers who share about their family and children.
There are always, with anything, variations along a spectrum. I’ve read blogs that share incredibly personal experiences, thoughts and feelings associated with being a mummy. Likewise, some blogs stay strictly vague, surface and have a ‘professional’ tone about them which can seem sterile and forced and which I struggle to connect to.
Getting your emotions and feelings ‘out there’, whether on paper or online can be incredibly healing and cathartic and as adults we know what internet exposure means and are mostly are prepared for the consequences, both negative and positive.
When it comes to sharing and writing about our little people however, boundaries can be blurred and there are interesting comments about this by a parent blogger here.
It is a tricky balance to get right for your blog, your values and above all your children and family. And rightly so, your views and subsequent blogging content can change. And you may not always get it right- but isn’t that what parenting is all about anyway?
This new transition for all involved is still quite raw and real. She is adjusting really well and I am very proud. She is exhausted. I still feel a little emotionally drained.
Time is a vortex still- after drop-off, I see it reaching out into the far distance, endless and vast and then I look at my watch and it’s 2pm and I need to start getting ready to collect her. We have neither really found our rhythm yet in this new routine.
At this point, writing/ thinking/ talking about it is still laden with emotion. While some days into it, there has been time for contemplation, to have written any earlier, without pause for space and reflection would not have served my purpose well.
In all my blogs I aim to provide insight or information to help, encourage and support other mothers. To have written a virtual ‘tear-laden’ blog full of regret, guilt, hurt, joy, exhaustion, excitement lacks a certain benefit to the reader. Other than knowing you’re not on your own.
So what is my insight at this point?
- Often our parenting reflects lack of space and pause for reflection and we start ‘parenting in the emotion’.
We are re-active, acting out of reflex and at the mercy of our feelings rather than being responsive to our children’s needs from a connecting and calm place. The feeling ‘in the moment’ takes over and we react from there rather than from how we know we can be and want to be as parents.
Some times we manage, other times we don’t. And just with over sharing in blogs, we need to be mindful of the consequences.
- Often we judge ourselves and our parenting from ‘in the emotion’ too.
We look at what we are doing and how we are parenting from deep in emotion- we feel angry, frustrated, guilty, tired and hook all that emotion onto how we are as parents.
Taking time and space to reflect allows knowledge and understanding without judgement. So much of our perceptions of ourselves comes from judging within that raw emotion when we are particularly vulnerable to negativity. The emotion is raw. Real. But when we attach it to something else it stops being real or true.
So for now, there is no blog about my baby girl starting school, and there might not ever be. But as she makes this life-transition in a way that squeezes my heart and makes me so proud, I take the opportunity to acknowledge how she continues to teach me, every day.